For some, Sunday is the time to do all the work you’ve procrastinated since Thursday. For others, Sunday is the time to veg out and sit in bed all day binge-watching Riverdale. But what some people forget is that Sunday is also football day. What better way to end (or start) the week than watching men in tight pants tackle each other for fun? If you are not a huge football fan, you may not know that the end of football season is upon us, and that the two teams going to the Super Bowl this weekend are the Philadelphia Eagles and New England Patriots. Whether you're watching for Tom Brady or just at the dorm watch party for the snacks, here's a guide to navigating through tough convos with all your sports fanatic friends.
Aren’t the Patriots really good or something?
The Patriots have won the Super Bowl five times. Last year they beat the Atlanta Falcons 34-28 in overtime. The Falcons had the lead during the first three quarters, until the Patriots made a stunning comeback led by quarterback Tom Brady in the fourth quarter. In overtime, they scored six points and won the game. While Patriots fans went wild, Falcon supporters were sad to see the underdogs lose.
Who are the Eagles again?
The Philadelphia Eagles are the underdogs in this year’s Super Bowl. The last time the team made it to the Super Bowl was in 2005, where they lost 24-21 to the Patriots. Needless to say, the Eagles are still bitter about this loss, which raises the stakes even more for this year’s game.
How do I respond to someone saying “Isn’t Tom Brady the GOAT?”
Tom Brady is the Patriots’ quarterback. Not only is he the most decorated player of all time, but he’s also beyond gorgeous and a complete DILF (he’s 40 years old, if you can believe it). He attended the University of Michigan (go blue, but most importantly go ‘Cats), and is one of only two players to win five Super Bowls and the only one to win them all with the same team. On Jan. 17, Brady injured his hand during practice and had to get four stitches. Many fans joked that the surgery was to add a sixth hand to wear all his Super Bowl rings.
Fun fact: His wife is Gisele Bundchen, a Brazilian model. At the opening ceremony for the 2016 Olympics in Rio De Janeiro, she took her final strut through the stadium. She was as badass as Beyonce in this moment. The two are couple goals.
What should I say when someone tries to impress me with facts about the Eagles?
The Eagles’ starting quarterback, Carson Wentz, has the potential to be the the best quarterback, or the new Tom Brady as some may say. Although Wentz undeniably resembles Prince Harry, he loses a few points because he’s not engaged to a NU alum. During the game against the Rams on Dec. 10, Wentz went out with a knee injury. The Eagles’ star player tore his ACL. Since then, Nick Foles has been the quarterback. After the championship game against the Vikings, an Eagles fan made a joke about Foles have the biggest genitalia in the Eagles locker room, and possibly in the NFL. It went viral and Eagles fan started cheering “Big Dick Nick,” literally everywhere… even in the public streets.
What's the best part of the game?
Justin Timberlake will be the halftime performer for the third time. During his last Super Bowl performance in 2004, he ripped off part of Janet Jackson’s outfit and her breast was shown on live TV. The media determined it to be a “wardrobe malfunction.” Hopefully this year’s show will be just as legendary.
For those of you who, like me, aren’t football fanatics, I hope you use this guide to keep up with your know-it-all friends. These are great cocktail conversation topics and will have everyone impressed that midterm season hasn’t stopped you from knowing about the game. Use Super Bowl Sunday to hang out with friends in front of your lounge TV or computer, order some wings and crack open a nice cold one. Don’t forget to channel your inner stereotypical American by sitting in front of the television and yelling at a screen while men run up and down a field and try to catch a ball.